My friend Ramon Johnson over at About.com has come up with a short list of the top myths about bisexual men propagated by both heterosexual and homosexual communities. As Ramon points out, "The thought of a person that is attracted to both men and women can be confusing and frequently leads to misconceptions and stereotypes." And, as we all know, stereotypes interfere with the idea that we are multidimensional human beings who cannot be easily strung together with a single label that has but one definition.
Myth 1: Bisexuality Is Only A Phase
Myth 2: Bi Men Have To Choose To Be Either Gay or Straight
Myth 3: Bisexual Men Are Sexually Confused
Myth 4: Bisexual Men Will Never Marry
Myth 5: Bi Men Are Sexually Promiscuous
Thank you, Ramon, for reminding us that myths, those re-utterances from the collective and imagined commentary of society, can act as great obstacles on the road to self-acceptance.
Beware the myth, and love yourself!
For myth details, click here.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Myths about Bisexuality
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9 comments:
I don't think there are many gay people who really believe that bisexuals "never marry" or that they are "sexually promiscuous". Many gays just view bisexuality as a noncommital way of living one's homosexuality. And it is a fact that a great number of self-described bisexuals are indeed married.
I'm not saying whether that's right or wrong, just what the stereotype really is.
As a bisexual woman (although I hate gender as a concept, and prefer the term "pansexual" to "bisexual" for that reason), I feel these myths apply to anyone who doesn't allow themselves to be "pinned down" to a sexual preference. I find it frustrating and alienating that so many people genuinely believe "there's no such thing as a bisexual". The assumption is that we're confused, dishonest, scared or slutty - we must be one of those things, because it's just not natural to feel romantic and sexual attraction to more than one gender. It's just the same old bigotry homosexuals have faced for ages, so it's kind of shocking they'd turn that same thing on us. You'd think they'd be more accepting and understanding.
I get a knot in the pit of my stomach when contemplating the subject of bisexuality. Right or wrong, for years the bisexual man has been my romantic and/or sexual ideal. I have come to the conclusion that my attraction to bi males (aside from the sexual role, “masculinity thing”) had to do with my fear of real commitment. Deep down, I knew the relationships would not last, and they would return to the social acceptability and PRIVILEGE of heterosexuality.
Well mave there are a lot of people who do not feel very comfortable in a post-gender, post-sexuality world. Who feel that terms like "pansexual" trivialise the identities that they have fought so hard for. And you don't see a lot of straight people trivialising their identities.
Gays and lesbians accept enormous social pressure to conform to societal norms. The argument "Why do you have to be segregated? All people are bisexual anyway!" has been used used time and again to make us morph our identities into sth friendlier and more acceptable to the straight world. No wonder some of us feel a little touchy on the subject.
gay super hero, those arguments used by some conservatives are wrong, and they don't give you the right to stereotype all bisexuals. Most of us support the gay community and do a lot to help, and are open about our identity and do not try say all people are bi, or exert social pressure. Did it ever occur to you that we suffer social pressure too? I've been threatened, assaulted, shouted at, and all kinds of stuff for participating in GLBT rights, and no one cares if you are bi, they don't way "oh, I'll only bash you half as much". If you want rights you need to extend them to everyone else. And givepeace, you really need to get over the stereotypes. If you don't want people stereotyping you, don't stereotype them. For a good article on the MYTH of bisexuality and "hetero privilege", read this: http://bisocialnews.com/bisexuls-hetero-privilege-myth/
Thank you SO much for this post!!
Those of us who have come to understand and truthfully articulate that we are not exactly 100% gay/lesbian and not exactly 100% straight, whether we self-identify as Bisexual, Fluid, Pansexual, Queer or maybe "no boxes please - I'm just me" are now and have always been an active and out part of the LGBT Community.
One of the LGBT activists who in 1967, co-founded the first LGBT Student group, the Student Homophile League (SHL) at Columbia University and who then assisted in the establishment of student groups around the country so that by 1971 there were an estimated 150 LGBT student groups spread in different places was Stephen Donaldson (aka Donny the Punk) a Bi-identified LGBT activist.
Another GLF & GAA leader who coordinated the rally to commemorate the 1-month anniversary of Stonewall, and then the rally and march to celebrate the 1-year anniversary and who came up with the idea of having a variety of annual events to celebrate Stonewall which has turned into the Pride celebrations we observe worldwide was Brenda Howard known as the "Mother of Pride" another Bi-identified LGBT activist. And the list of out and active bi-identified LGBT people goes on and on.
The problem has always been the closet, not orientation.
The people marching down the street at Pride in their blue, lavender and rose T-Shirts and their banners proclaiming their Bisexual/Fluid/Pansexual Group's names cannot be said to be claiming "Heterosexual Privilege". But can the same be said for the sad, frightened, closeted businessperson watching enviously at their freedom from an office window, even thought that person is in fact a gay man or lesbian woman?
It is a terrible and destructive myth, proved to be wrong by scientific study, that bisexual/pansexual people cannot and do not choose monogamy or will leave their partner for someone of another gender.
All admitting that your sexuality is somewhere in the broad middle of the Kinsey Scale rather than at either end means is that you form relationships with people irregardless of there gender. And isn't that in some ways a wonderful thing to know? That your romantic partner is with you for reasons OTHER than externals?
@ M
I didn't stereotype anyone. I wrote "Many gays just view bisexuality as a noncommital way of living one's homosexuality". This is not stereotyping. It's a description of a stereotype.
If "most bisexuals supported the lgbt community" (as you write) and made their voices heard loud and clear whithin the lgbt movement, nothing could make me happier. But I think there's still a lot of work to be done there.
And I don't know anything about "fluids", "pansexuals, "queers" etc. These terms fall outside my personal experience as well as my definition of the lgbt movement.
@BiNet
So you think that gays, lesbians and straight people choose their partner for no other reason than their "externals"? Is it only bisexuals that fall in love with the person?
Talking about stereotyping...
Some thoughts...
@gaysuperhero wrote:
"Many gays just view bisexuality as a noncommital way of living one's homosexuality."
Oh, man... I wish it were that simple. I am a 35-year-old woman, and have been out as bi since age 15. I have tried to "commit" to being hetero or a lesbian, and it never ever works. I am truly attracted to women, and truly attracted to men, in about equal measure. I have no idea what it's like even to be predominantly monosexual, but from where I stand it looks like things are a whole lot easier and more clear-cut when you're not really bisexual.
I don't want to lie about who I am. I am both heterosexual and homosexual at the same time, and there's nothing I can do to change it. I feel like a total queer freak in mainstream hetero culture. I feel more comfortable in queer culture, but it's not very welcoming sometimes.
@gaysuperhero writes:
"If 'most bisexuals supported the lgbt community' (as you write) and made their voices heard loud and clear whithin the lgbt movement, nothing could make me happier. But I think there's still a lot of work to be done there."
I think that the biphobia is one reason that we don't aren't more organized or involved than we are, so it's a Catch-22 in a way. I am always relieved to see the "B" in an org's title or tagline, but usually disappointed when I show up as the only openly bi person there. I often find that the B in LGBT is in name only. I know transpeople have experienced this, too.
Oh, and just to squelch one more myth. I am not attracted to "people" for "who they are inside." I love having sex with women's bodies, and I love having sex with men's bodies. I am in a mostly-monogamous lifelong relationship now, so I just deal with my desire the way anyone else in a marriage does--I don't act on it most of the time.
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